Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The thing about a blog

It's very hard to keep up a blog.

Wait, no, let me amend that. It's easy to keep up a blog when life is fun and filled with joy. Life has not been like that and I was saying to Alex the other day that I feel like Debbie Downer! I am normally a very upbeat person and I live life with a 'Suck it up, Buttercup' approach. I really try to see the positive in almost all situations (except when I allow my dark humour side out) and I love my life.

As anyone who follows my blog knows, this past year has certainly tested my resilience in the upbeat department. Lots of death and mishap in our family. I really felt that we had turned a corner this spring and then my dear, lovely, sweet, funny, cousin Chris killed himself. Nothing can change that. My family looks like crumpled up pieces of paper scattered on the floor. We are without a way of knowing what to do.

We have spend a lot of time crying and laughing. Chris was very funny and so we remember those bits as much as possible. We can't seem to get close enough to each other. My other cousin, Chris's sister, was sitting at the bar in the bistro and I realized we were so physically close to each other that we were leaning into one another. That's the way now. We lean in.

I am reading a wonderful book, "Blood, Bones & Butter" by Gabrielle Hamilton. She is a beautiful writer and has reminded me of many things I love about the restaurant industry and life with food. I am grateful for this book popping up now. It is gently nudging me back to writing and back to seeing the beautiful little world I live in, filled with crunchy bread, thick, rich chocolate, glorious oozing cheeses that clear the back kitchen with their pungent ways, muddled fruit soaking up rum in the bottom of the shaker, clinking cutlery, great music and lots of friends. I am being very careful to pay attention to all these beautiful things and people surrounding me. I can be sad and I let myself be sad for all the pain of the past year. But I am also happy. Happy that I have the family I do, happy that I work the job I work, happy that my life is full and splendid.

We're heading to a Cheese Festival in Picton, ON next week. We are renting a car and driving from Toronto, staying in a hotel filled with industry people, and Alex is cheffing with some folks. I think the writing bug is back and I plan on sharing some of these adventures in my blog. But before we head to Ontario, we head up to Riding Mountain National Park to be with my family and lean in for awhile.