When our kids were wee, we took them to nice restaurants (we still do.) We encouraged them to pick out nice clothes and sit up in their chairs and make conversation and appreciate the opportunity. They were dinner party pros by the time they were 5. Alex's mom fed them off of Rosenthal dishes while in the highchair (this made me crazy with worry!) My point is, we have the ability to learn how to behave properly in a restaurant. With our kids, we call it "restaurant manners" and we whisper this in their ears as we enter a restaurant as a gentle reminder of the social expectations of the situation. In fact, this shorthand often works in other social situations, too. And if a three year old can say please and thank you and appreciate the experience, I'm pretty sure some adults can learn this skill as well.
The other night we had a very difficult table. Now, I'm prepared to go the extra mile for people. I will send dishwashers to pick up the right kind of juice at the store, I will bring them a chair to sit on while they wait at the front door, I will visit with them and make as much effort as possible to meet their needs. And this was the case with this table: we all went a few extra steps to make them happy. I have very few issues with high-needs tables: we're in the hospitality industry! We are good at "killing with kindness", I call it. Lots of smiles and attention. Usually this results in a lovely time for everyone. Yet, the problem was: this table was rude. They were demanding, dismissive & crabby. And, it was relentless: at no point did they shift to being kind or nice. It was as if they had no need to be polite because they were somehow above it. . I am so perplexed by this. What benefit does this bring the table? How can you feel proud of yourself or enjoy yourself if you are demeaning another person? I've been toying with how to address this: should I offer reminders to these tables that they have to be nice to their server? should I post an explanation of "restaurant manners" on the wall? or menu? in the washroom?
The reality is that we get all kinds of customers and 90% of them are delightful, 5% odd and 5% rude. We'll put up with rude because that is the gig. All we can hope is that rude people will recognize their jarring ways and tip accordingly.
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Great post. It's curious that people can be so rude... I'm curious, how did they tip? :-) I work in a professional (financial) environment with very demanding people, and when we eat out I've noticed some of my colleagues are among the WORST tippers in the world (usually 2-5% gratuity). I try my best to be nice to the waitresses, and usually leave my own (15-20%) tip on the table.
ReplyDelete2-5%?! Wow! That's remarkable. A server will be sure they did something terribly wrong and worry about it all evening. Most of my servers know not to look at the tip until the end of the night because it can ruin their work.
ReplyDeleteThis table tipped less than 10%. Whatevuh. Reflects on them.
If one is going to be rude and demanding, pay for the privilege, ante up at tip time!
Thanks for your comments!
BTW is says that I'm Alex, but I'm not. I forgot to sign him out.
ReplyDeleteDanielle
How about writing a little something along the top of the chalk/menu board? 'Pssst, treat others as you'd like to be treated. We're just sayin'.'
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I doubt habitually rude people even know it, nor do they care.....it's just their nature. Telling them they're being rude would just fan the flames....then YOU'D be that horrible restaurant owner who had the GALL to offend them.
ReplyDeleteA family member worked at one of your neighboring restaurants for a short while, and had a regular customer who had a very high opinion of himself. He liked to make a show for his guests of how YOU were working for HIM. He'd snap his fingers for service, and yell "You - get over here" from across the room. He'd make unreasonable demands, and follow up the server's hesitation with "Do you know who I am????". To top it all off, Mr. Bigshot would leave zero tip. Every time.
Unfortunately, there are some people around who simply suck.
I have a sign in my office cubicle that says something like - I learn a lot about myself when I meet people who are difficult for me.
ReplyDeleteYou are writing about how you have raised children to be aware, and how you encounter some people who are not.
Luckily, you will also meet people who are aware. Love to you all,
I call those people "grace growers". It's easy to be gracious to people deserving of grace. Not until we encounter difficult people do we learn how to reach beyond ourselves and extend grace to the "undeserving".
ReplyDeleteDanielle,
ReplyDeleteI just thought you should hear of our amazing experience with you and the Bistro!
It was a beautiful fall evening and my Dad was visiting us (we lived on Rosedale!) from Calgary. We decided it was a must for him to have a Bistro Experience!
So, we made a reservation... of course! The hitch was we had our first little one with us who was about 10 months (not the best age for taking to a restaurant that you want to savor and really enjoy!)
She did great until dessert time. The service was amazing friendly but not too much and no chagrins for bringing our baby! You had come by to chat and even visit our beauty! The food was delish and we really, really wanted to stay for dessert. We where just chatting about whether she would last a little longer when you came over, picked up our girl and casually offered to take her around and including the kitchen.
I'm a chill mom and thought that was the greatest thing ever.
She had a blast meeting all the people in the restaurant and I enjoyed my coffee and dessert (that was almost 5 years ago so sorry don't remember what bit of delishishness I had, I do however remember ordering the Roast Chicken. My Fav!). And it was one more reason why we just LOVE Winnipeg, especially Lord Roberts/Fort Rouge!
We miss it! Have moved back to Calgary for now! I dream of moving back "home" and enjoying the Bistro once again!
Thanks for everything... We always brought our out of towners and they loved it too!
Blessing on the new adventures! Though I was so sad to see the thrift store go.
Danielle,
ReplyDeleteI'm doing some experimental research on customer aggression against servers and here's a bit of good news for you...
- as long as the server responds nicely to the aggressive customer, witnesses to the aggressive experience all see the server and the restaurant more favourably (and other tables tip more to compensate for rude customers). So, there is a bit of an upside!
Sandy