the teen years

This week, as I sat at my daughter's gymnastics class, I listened to a small group of parents talk about how lucky they were to grow up when they did because they couldn't really get into too much trouble. Whereas, they pontificated, today's kids are surrounded by bad influences, scary and dangerous options and are hard to keep safe.

Really? I am somewhat amazed by this thinking. In some ways, I wonder if it reflects an abdication of responsibility: nothing I can do, the world is a bad place. Or maybe it is meant to be a justification for what I think of as overparenting: constantly breathing down your child's neck and denying them the freedom to explore who they are and what they believe in.

Regardless, I think these parents are terribly wrong. The teens I know today are far more responsible, aware, thoughtful, and safer than I was as a teen or any of my cohort seemed to be. I have the pleasure (and occasional frustration) of working with a lot of teens. They make up a significant portion of restaurant workers. So every day I get to spend hours with a variety of teens and listen to their stories and adventures. I am amazed at how clever and creative they can be.

Last night, one of our teen dishwashers proudly showed me his band t-shirt. He had been in a 'battle of the bands' and a t-shirt had been created of all the participants. It's a great shirt! Now, the night he was in the battle of the bands, he had tried to find another dishwasher to cover his shift. He couldn't and so had to leave from the stage and come straight to work. We figured he would probably ditch work and hang out with his buddies, riding on the high of performing, and find a different job. He didn't. He showed up and worked the night. As it was a Saturday night, we were really grateful!

We have one teen who has been with us since he was 14 years old. He is about to turn 18. He has learned all the kitchen jobs, he will jump in and wash dishes or be left to prep an entire catering with little supervision. He works at the Bistro, plays basketball, goes to a tough school that requires a lot of him, has a girlfriend and will drive to pick up his little brother from a friend's house late at night. He is a good kid. Of course, he still talks back to his mother which drives me nuts but we're working on it!

I guess my point is that teens are lovely and hanging out with them is pretty great. I think most of the kids I know are perfectly capable of navigating our "big and scary" world. Alex and I have been rewarded time and time again for trusting all the kids in our lives. I don't fear my kids' teen years: they will do inappropriate things, they'll be crabby some days but generally, I think they are pretty great people and I'm looking forward to doing fun things with them.

Having said all that, our new 14 year old dishwasher walked out in the middle of his shift last night!